10 ways to detect a cheater

We've all lied at some point in our lives—it's human nature. But what if you have a feeling something isn't right with your mate. You have doubt in your trust for them but can't pinpoint why. And so you wait until the opportunity arises that leaves you to question the truth. At that moment, use these 10 tips to tell if your mate is a liar, or worse, a cheater.

1. Eye contact. If your mate can't look you in the eye it's a sign of shame or guilt. But also watch out if your mate never looks you in the eye normally but is suddenly trying to stare into your soul.
2. Too much detail. Think about what you would remember. If you wouldn't note the wallpaper of the left-most bathroom stall of the meeting hall, then why would someone else. Too much detail is a way to overcompensate for nonexistent memory.
3. Inconsistencies. As the listener, remember the details. Ask again on a later date to see if anything changes about your mate's story.
4. Catch them off guard. A liar will go over the usual questions in their head before approaching you so avoid questions like who, what, where, when, and why. Ask how come.
5. Defensiveness. Is your mate suddenly angry and defensive? Being defensive when lying is much easier than being communicative. Try to talk it out and see why they're so stressed. It could be the pressure of lying.
6. Repetition. Repeating details or parts of a story is a way for a liar to reassure him or herself of the "facts". If they tell you 3 times they went out with Kris, wonder why...
7. Ignore facial expressions. Liars have facial expressions under control. It's a talent.Watch for body language instead. Controlling the face and story direction is exhausting and leaves the body vulnerable to movements provoked by anxiety. Are they figety? Rolling their ankles or moving their fingers? Watch out!
8. Think about motive. Would you be mad if you heard the truth? They might have a reason for deciet.
9. Go with your gut! If you have doubt, you're probably right. You instinct is your subconscious detecting what your heart and mind don't want to believe. Well believe it.
10. Back off. Don't pry too much, just be attentive. Your mate will relax if they think you believe them and their effort to conceal inconsistencies will dwindle, leaving it easy to catch their foul play.

Is monogamy realistic?

I grew up with the notion that love is forever. My parents are still together and so are all my aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends' parents. It's almost as if my parents subconsciously only let me hang out with kids whose parents were still together. Because of this I always believed in monogamy and could never fathom the concept of divorce. But in looking back at all my relationships, this has caused me nothing but stress and expectations that were too high to fill by any real-life guy.

My expectations have been made so high by the perfection that I have seen around me that I can't accept mens' mistakes. Ever had a conversation with a significant other about cheating? It's awkward and uncomfortable. And although no one wants to be cheated on, having someone on a 2-inch leash doesn't make cheating more controllable... in fact, quite the opposite. Because no man will ever have the same crazy expectations I have about monogamy - no cheating, no looking, no touching, no flirting... I eventually learned its my expectations that need to be changed.

I have come to accept that monogamy in its truest form may not exist. We are all humans and we are flirtacious and friendly and playful in our own ways. As long as we don't form a physical/emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex are we really guilty of anything?

It's so much less stressful and makes a relationship so much more rewarding to just let go of the leash. Let the pup run wild.  If they cheat, you'll find out. Maybe not from them, but your instincts will never mislead you. Chances are with the freedom to flirt and be playful with others, men won't feel so hindered by their partner and when sex comes about, they'll come home... like a good pup does.