When you say these in your head, picture this guy...
...because chances are, this is the guy that approaches.
Why? Because life is annoyingly funny that way.
[[Also, place emphasis accordingly, it makes a world of douchey difference]]
If you were a booger, I'd pick you. [[wink]]
Are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only 10 I see.
[[to which you should always respond:: No,but are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're a 5 and I'm desperate]]
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? [[dead serious face. you run]]
You remind me of my pinkie toe. Cute, little, and I'll probably bang you on my coffee table [[eye brows raise where the commas are]].
There's a problem with my phone. It doesn't have your number in it. [[genuine look of concern]]
Well I'm here. What's your next 2 wishes? [[ever-so nonchalant-ly]]
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight? [[head cocked to the left]]
Good thing I have my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out.
Is there something in your eye? Oh wait, it's just a sparkle. [[hand on girl's cheek]]
Fat penguin. I just wanted to say something that would break the ice. [[lean in, head nod]]
My magic watch says you don't have any underwear on. Oh you do? Well, it must be 15 minutes fast.
You're so hot even my zipper is falling for you. [[approaches girl with zipper already down]]
Will you touch me so I can tell all my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Baby, you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive. [[this is probably the only one I'd give props for]]
You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be the Burger King. You treat me right and I'll do it your way. [[if the boy can get this right, go home with him]]
The trick is to not shake your head at these boys, but fire something back just as awful. They'll throw their hands in the air in amazement.
... speaking of hands, yours look heavy. Mind if I hold them for you? ;)