Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Nothing Fight–part deux.


The Dane Cook Nothing Fight track has to be one of my favorites. It explains the fights people have when they hate the person they're in a relationship with. Just fighting 'cause they're bored and every little thing the other person does is an annoyance.

Although I'm no comedian, I do happen from time to time experience these adventures in the real world. In the nothing fight DC describes a couple in the grocery store fighting over if they have jelly or not, here's a 'snippet'...

"Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly.
You said we did last time. I'm looking in the cabinets and I don't see
any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house."

And she's egging him on, she's like [girl voice]
"I don't even like jelly. I don't even like jelly. I get hives if I even look at
jelly. Wha--I don't even know about jelly. I've never even—What is jelly. I don't even care."

So I'm sitting in my parent's living room on Sunday trying to find an afternoon showing of some trashy TV show (Housewives reruns) when I hear an oddly similar argument between my parents.

Dad comes through door with groceries in hand and starts to unpack his carefully-selected items.
Mom is breading chicken at the counter.

Dad: I bought a new peanut butter. [I can tell he's proud of himself]

Mom: Why? We have 2 containers already. [Immediately annoyed]

Dad: Because I like my peanut butter in the fridge and you keep putting it in the cabinet.

Mom: Well that's because it doesn't go in the fridge.

Dad: I don't care where you think it goes, that's where I like it. In the fridgerator.

Mom rolls eyes and pulls out a pan from underneath the counter, her fresh annoyance disrupts the rest of the pans and they start to fall on each other. She slams the cabinet sighing loudly.

At this point I've hit mute on the TV, put the kamoke down, and am laying belly-side down on the couch with my hands holding my head up.

Dad: Listen, I want my fucking peanut butter in the fridgerator.

Mom: IT doesn't go in the fridgerator.

Dad: Do you eat the peanut butter??

Mom: No.

Dad: So then why do you care?

Mom: Because it doesn't belong there.

In a pea-nut shell, this is marriage. And yes, we really do call these items fridgerator(refrigerator) and kamoke(remote).

Battle on. May the best comeback win.

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